Nursing Birth

One Labor & Delivery Nurse’s View From the Inside

Don’t Let This Happen To You #23: Alona & Dmitry’s Unnecessary Repeat Cesarean Section April 29, 2009

Continuation of the “Injustice in Maternity Care” Series

 

Throughout my time as a labor and delivery nurse at a large urban hospital in the Northeast, I have mentally tallied up a list of patients and circumstances that make me go “WHAT!?!  Are you SERIOUS!?  Oh come ON!”  Because of this I was inspired to start the “Injustice in Maternity Care” blog series, or more appropriately the “Don’t Let This Happen to You” series.  If you are pregnant or planning on becoming pregnant, this series is dedicated to you!  If haven’t already read it, I invite you to check out the first addition to the countdown: DLTHTY #25: Sarah & John’s Unnecessary Induction.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I was recently part of what I consider to be an absolutely unnecessary repeat cesarean section and a true example of what I consider the “control phenomenon” in today’s maternity care culture.  This very real trend stems from the fact that obstetricians (trained surgeons who are the only birth attendants capable of performing a cesarean section) have professional motivation and incentive to promote and perform interventions that only they can provide, hence increasing their control (e.g. vacuum or forceps deliveries and cesarean sections) as well as discourage and lobby against choices in childbirth that decrease their control and increase the control of the childbearing family (e.g. homebirth, natural/unmedicated birth, and VBAC).  After all, any properly trained birth attendant can attend a VBAC (including midwives and family practice physicians) but ONLY obstetricians can perform cesarean sections.  In their groundbreaking book Silent Knife: Cesarean Prevention & Vaginal Birth After Cesarean, authors Nancy Wainer Cohen & Lois J. Estner describe this phenomenon,

 

“Cesareans are done for many reasons.  In addition to the legitimate ones, they include power, control, money, fear, and prestige.  However, we believe that the most important reason is that most physicians totally lack understanding and respect for women and for birth.  [Routine] Repeat cesareans are done for the same reasons, with risk of uterine rupture the excuse for this deplorable crime.  Vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) is not only safe, but generally safer than its alternative.  In spite of the research and evidence and documentation that appear on this subject, most obstetricians in this country continue to perform repeat cesareans simply because a woman has been previously sectioned.  There is always an excuse, it seems, why a woman cannot be a candidate for VBAC.  We know that most women who have had a cesarean are capable of delivering vaginally.  This includes women with a diagnosis of cephalo-pelvic disproportion (CPD), prolonged labor (failure to progress), or more than one previous cesarean.”

 

Now that the stage is set, let’s begin the story…

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was a beautiful and sunny weekend morning and I arrived to the hospital, changed into scrubs, and punched in at 11:00am as usual.  As I was looking over the patient assignment sheet, a young Russian** couple came to the desk.  Both had very thick accents and it was quickly evident that the husband spoke better English than his wife.  The husband described a “large gush of water” that fell all over the floor as she was making breakfast.  The young woman stated that she had put a towel in her pants that was now “very wet” and that she started having “pains” about 10 minutes after the leaking started, which happened to be around 10:40.  While at their house they then called their doctor who instructed them to come right to the hospital since, if she did break her water, she was going to be sent for a cesarean section today because she had a history of a previous cesarean section.  (In fact her “repeat” date was scheduled for the next week where she would be 39 weeks in gestation.)

 

I was asked by the charge nurse to escort the patient and her husband down to one of the triage rooms near the operating room (OR) (just incase she was indeed ruptured) and to pass her off to another nurse who would be waiting for her there.  I introduced myself to both the woman and her husband and asked the woman if she wanted a wheelchair.  She declined and although she was very quiet, almost stoic during our short journey, I could tell by her walk that she was very uncomfortable.  After I gave the woman a gown and assisted her into the bathroom, I told all I knew to her nurse Sally and went back to the main desk. 

 

For the next hour I was unassigned to any patients so I spent that time assisting other nurses.  Around noon I was assisting a fellow nurse whose patient was delivering when I got called out of the room by the charge nurse.  “We’ve got to run two rooms in the back and I’m going to need you to be ‘baby nurse’ for Dr. W’s case, the patient in room 2.” 

 

(Note: At my hospital we have three operating rooms on labor and delivery.  We try our best to only run one room at a time, if urgency and time allows us, since running two rooms can really put a strain on the staff.  To run two rooms at the same time you need 6 nurses total, three for each room (a scrub nurse, a circulating nurse, and a baby nurse).  The scrub nurse actually scrubs into the surgery and assists the surgeon by passing him/her instruments and sutures.  The circulating nurse usually is the nurse that knows the most about the patient and her job is to coordinate procedures and ensure the patient’s safety and comfort.  The “baby nurse” assists the anesthesiologist with administering anesthesia, preps the patient for surgery, and the gowns up to “catch” the baby from the surgeon, and then brings him over to the warmer to assess him.  Even though we have an OR team Monday through Friday during the day shift, between running the OR, staffing the recovery room, and admitting the next case, the OR team doesn’t always have enough nurses to run two rooms and in that circumstance the charge nurse has to pull nurses from the floor.  Therefore if we were running two rooms, I knew that something must be happening with one or both of the cases that increased their urgency.)

 

I grabbed my OR hat and mask and walked down towards the OR to talk to the circulating nurse and re-introduce myself to the patient (something I try to do if at all possible before they enter the OR).  The circulating nurse, Sally, was at the desk and gave me a very abbreviated report, “Her name is Alona.  She is a G2P1 at 37 weeks and 6 days and her first baby was delivered via cesarean for ‘failure to progress/failure to descent’ per her prenatal summary.  Her husband, Dmitry, told me that the doctor told them the reason she needed a cesarean the first time was that his wife’s ‘vagina was too small.’  They are both graduate students at XU.  She’s got an unremarkable history.  She’s scheduled for a repeat cesarean next week so we’re going to the OR.  We’re gonna move in about five minutes.” 

 

As I walked into the patient’s room, I quickly realized why everyone was rushing around…the patient was huffing and puffing through her contractions.  She was still on the monitors at this time and I noticed that her contractions were coming every 2-3 minutes with nature as the only influence acting upon them.  As I stuck out my hand to re-introduce myself to the couple I had escorted here not one our ago, I realized that the patient was uncontrollably grunting and pushing at the peak of her contractions.  At this point the circulating nurse came in to administer her pre-operative antibiotic, followed by the anesthesia resident who started to unplug the bed from the wall.  My mind was racing…this woman is in LABOR!  This woman is PUSHING!  Why is everyone ignoring this?!  At this point the anesthesia resident and the circulating nurse started to wheel the patient out of the room and I was having none of that! 

 

Me:  “Sally, she’s pushing.”

 

Sally: “What?”

 

Me: “She’s pushing!  We need to get her checked.  We can’t wheel her back there like this.”

 

Sally: “We just checked her 20 minutes ago and she was 5cm/90%/0 station.”

 

Me: “Was she pushing 20 minutes ago?”

 

Sally: “Well no but…”

 

Me:  “Well then I don’t care how long it has been since you last checked her!  We need a resident in here to check her!!!”  (Note: At our hospital, because we have residents, we are actually not allowed to check our own patients even if we have the skills to do it!  I am not exaggerating.  The head of the residency program feels that if nurses check their own patients then residents won’t get enough “experience.”  Therefore new nurses are not even taught how to perform a vaginal exam during orientation.  I feel that this is absolutely absurd and just another way the OBGYN department attempts to maintain the utmost control over all situations.  But I digress…)

 

At this point Sally poked her head out of the door and motioned for the resident to come in.  I was holding Alona’s hand and trying to coach her breathing, in, out, in, out, in, out…

 

Me:  “Alona, we are going to do a quick vaginal exam to make sure the baby isn’t coming, is that okay?”

 

Dmitry (the husband):  “The baby can’t come out!  Her vagina is too small!”

 

Me:  “Sir, it’s going to be okay.  Every baby is different.  Her vagina is not too small.”

 

And then the resident said the most OUTRAGEOUS thing I have ever heard…

 

Kate, the resident: “She’s 8cm/100%/ +1 station and that’s without a contraction.  If we don’t get her to the back right now, she’s going to have this baby!  Let’s go!”

 

[Have you ever watched a show and the cartoon character does a “double take” where they shake their head really fast back and forth and it makes a sound like something is rattling in their head?  I swear I did that when I heard the resident say that and I actually said out loud, “WHAT?!!?  That is ridiculous!”]

 

Me:  “Kate, we’ve got to get Dr. W in here to talk to her.”

 

Kate: “Dr. W wants to do a cesarean.”

 

Me: “Yeah, but don’t you think it’s more important to do what the patient wants?!  I think circumstances have changed enough to where someone should reevaluate this situation with her!”

 

[Kate left the room to go talk to Dr. W, as I think I made her really uncomfortable by calling her out and bringing up the patient’s needs.  God forbid!!  I poked my head out of the room to hear his answer.]

 

Kate: “Dr. W, she is 8/100/+1.  Should we counsel her about a vaginal delivery?”

 

Dr. W: (really frustrated and almost offended at even the thought) “NO!  We’re doing a repeat!  WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, GET HER TO THE BACK!”

 

(Note: “The back” is hospital lingo for the operating room)

 

On that note Sally and the anesthesia resident continued to wheel her out of the room and through the double doors to the operating room.  At this point I really thought I was going to start to cry.  There have only been a few times that I have cried at work (I’ve cried a lot more at home!) but this situation was really hitting a cord with me.  As we were wheeling the patient down the hall I looked at her and her husband and said, “Alona, you are 8 centimeters.  You do not have to have surgery if you do not want to.  This is your choice.”  Alona just stayed silent, and kept looking at her husband.  Perhaps this was a cultural thing, perhaps she was scared, perhaps she was too much in the throws of transition to hear any word I was saying.  We entered the OR at 12:30pm.  Sally and the resident pushed the bed up against the OR table and instructed the patient to move over.  Again, I held onto Alona’s hand, looked her in the eye, and said, “Alona, it’s not too late.  If you need more time to think about things we can give it to you.  If you want to talk to Dr. W about your options we can do that.”  Then I looked at Dmitry and said, “Dmitry, she is 8 centimeters now.  We do not have to do this surgery if she want to try to have the baby vaginally.”   But Alona just kept looking at her husband (who was allowed in the OR at this point because we needed him to help translate since Alona kept throwing down the language line phone during a contraction!) and he looked back at me and said “No, the doctor said she must have surgery!” 

 

And you know what?!  I don’t blame them one bit for not even listening to me.  After all, I am essentially a stranger, perhaps some kooky nurse to them whom they have never even met, while Dr. W was their “trusted” doctor.  If he couldn’t take (or didn’t want to take) the time to come in and talk about their options, then why should they listen to me!?  I found out after the surgery, when I looked back into Alona’s prenatal summary and previous OR report, that Alona’s first cesarean was performed after a 2-day “failed induction” to where she only progressed to 3cm/50% effaced/ -3 station.  A thorough review of the patient’s first OR report revealed a classic “cascade of interventions” including elective induction at 40.2 weeks with an unfavorable cervix for “postdates,” early amniotomy and pitocin administration after one cervidil placement, epidural for pain relief, fetal scalp electrode and intrauterine pressure catheter placement, and eventual cesarean section for “failure to progress/failure to descent.”  Although I support women’s rights, patient autonomy, and choices in childbirth, if the only thing that Alona & Dmitry learned from their last delivery was that her vagina was “too small,” I highly refute any claim by ANYONE that this patient was provided with true informed consent and an honest debriefing on ALL the factors that did or could have contributed to her last cesarean section. 

 

As I was assisting the anesthesiologist with the spinal by trying to keep a woman in transitional labor still (not an easy task), Dr. W burst through the OR doors, hands wet from scrubbing, and exclaimed in a most joyous way as he peered up at the clock on the wall, “Oh excellent!  I can be out of here by half past one at the latest and still make it to my golf game!” 

 

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

YES!  HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT!  AND THE PATIENT WAS AWAKE WITH HER HUSBAND IN THE ROOM! 

 

After that I pretty much turned my emotions off; I couldn’t handle it and I had to focus on the task at hand.  “Open” time for the surgery was 12:45pm.  Alona & Dmitry’s baby boy was born at 12:50pm.  “Close” time was 1:16pm.  As soon as the last staple was placed, Dr. W ripped his gown off, thanked the resident and anesthesia, said a quick “Congratulations” to Alona & Dmitry, and bolted out of the room, leaving the resident as the only OBGYN to escort the patient out of surgery and write all the orders. 

 

I gave the baby Apgars of 7 & 9 but at about 7 minutes old he started to have a  bit of a difficult time clearing his secretions and his oxygen saturation started to dropped so I had to suction him a couple of times.  The scale showed the baby weighed 7lbs, 3oz.  When it was time to leave the OR, I wrapped up the baby and walked out with the patient and her husband.  I had to keep him on the warmer in the recovery room for only about 10 minutes, basically, the time it took the team to hook her up to the monitors, do a fundal (“belly”) check, and give her some pain medication.  I then put the baby skin to skin with Alona under her gown and his vitals stabilized quite well after that. 

 

All in all despite the fact that Alona, Dmitry, and baby all appeared to be happy and healthy after surgery, my personal belief is that they were victims of medical malpractice and the current unjust maternity care system in this country.  I know malpractice is a loaded term but I think it describes the situation very well: “mal” = bad practice.  That is one of my biggest concerns with the rising rate of scheduled repeat cesarean sections.  Once the date is set it’s like everyone has blinders on;  the excuse “But she is scheduled for surgery” doesnt mean she qualifies for it now!  For one, consenting a patient for major abdominal surgery PRE-LABOR in the office and treating it as the absolute only course of action regardless of what situations might arise to the contrary is WRONG.  I can safely bet that when Alona “agreed” to a repeat in the office that she was mislead into thinking or mistaken that things were automatically going to go exactly the way they did last time .  I can safetly bet that she did not expect to show up to the hospital after going into labor spontaneously and progress from 5 to 8 centimeters in a matter of 20 minutes when she was “counseled” (term used VERY lightly) about her options and “consented” (again, used lightly) to a repeat cesarean section months before.  And you know what, if she had shown up at 10 centimeters with a head on the perineum I KNOW that her doctor would have STILL rushed her off to surgery even so because I see it happen at work ALL THE TIME.  It’s outrageous, it’s meddlesome, it’s arrogant, it’s tragic, and it’s untrusting of a woman’s natural and innate ability to push her own baby out!!

 

In their Patient Choice Cesarean Position Statement, the International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN) writes,

 

“The International Cesarean Awareness Network opposes the use of cesarean section where there is no medical need. Birth is a normal, physiological process. Cesarean section is major abdominal surgery which exposes the mother to all the risks of major surgery, including a higher maternal mortality rate, infection, hemorrhage, complications of anesthesia, damage to internal organs, scar tissue, increased incidence of secondary infertility, longer recovery periods, increase in clinical postpartum depression, and complications in maternal-infant bonding and breastfeeding, as well as risks to the infant of respiratory distress, prematurity and injuries from the surgery.

 

All physicians take an oath to “Do no harm”. This means choosing the path of least risk to patients. Medically unnecessary elective cesareans increase risk to birthing women. It is unethical and inappropriate for obstetricians to perform unnecessary surgery on a healthy woman with a normal pregnancy.”  

 

The fact of the matter is that I do not believe that Alona’s c-section was necessary and I believe that her doctor did do her harm by performing her surgery without at least revisiting her options with Alona before he ordered for her to be wheeled into the operating room.  She needed to hear and deserved to hear her options from Dr. W at that time and not anyone else.  Although the above position statement was written regarding patient choice elective cesarean section, I feel that it also pertains to elective repeat cesarean sections since I do NOT believe that “prior cesarean section” is an automatic indication that is well supported in the literature as being a good enough reason to just schedule another major abdominal surgery.  I agree with author Norma Shulman as she was quoted in the book Silent Knife, “Those who favor repeat cesarean because of its ‘ease’ and ‘safety’ need to be reminded that ‘all the factors that make cesareans so safe nowadays also serve to make VBAC safe, and more rewarding.”  To me, many other childbirth advocates, and to thousands and thousands of women in this country, the birth of a child is not the only goal of labor, it’s a very important one, but it’s not the only one.  Women aren’t just “fetal vehicles” and their experiences in labor and childbirth have profound effects on their self-esteem as well as their relationship to their partners, their babies, and their families for the rest of their lives. 

 

Are you pregnant and have a history of a previous cesarean section?  Did you know that you have the right to informed consent and informed refusal regarding repeat cesarean section vs. VBAC?  Did you know that there are resources out there to help you?  Please check out:

 

(1)  ICAN’s Cesarean Fact Sheet

(2)  ICAN’s Vaginal Birth After Cesarean (VBAC) Fact Sheet

(3)  Silent Knife: Cesarean Prevention and Vaginal Birth After Cesarean by Nancy Wainer Cohen & Lois J. Estner

(4)  DON’T CUT ME AGAIN! True Stories About Vaginal Birth After Cesarean (VBAC) by Angela, J. Hoy (Editor)

 

And find a local ICAN support group near you!

 

 

**As always, all identifying information including names, dates, times, ethnicity, etc. have been changed or omitted to protect privacy and adhere to all HIPPA guidelines.

Advertisements
 

Must Read Blog: “It’s Your Birth Right!!” April 26, 2009

Stemming from a comment left on my blog, I was directed to check out a relatively new blog entitled It’s Your Birth Right!! and I have to report that this is quickly becoming one of my new favorite blogs J! 

 

Blog creator Nicole Deggins, CNM, MSN, MPH is an author, educator, childbirth enthusiast, and woman’s advocate.  She writes that the goal of her blog is “to help women and their families make INFORMED decisions about their birth experience based on HONEST/ UNBIASED information.”

 

I am most excited about two of Nicole’s posts entitled: Choose Wisely Part I & Part II.  These posts are great because they are better than any other article I have ever read about how and why families should be picky about choosing their best birth attendant.  In my opinion these posts not only give great, unbiased advice and reference variety of helpful resources, but they are also honest about the Top 4 TERRIBLE reasons for picking a birth attendant.

 

Nicole writes,

 

“I get questions, all the time from friends, friends of friends and even strangers.  They want my thoughts about pregnancy, labor and childbirth. I have spent HOURS talking with women providing answers and information they should be able to get from their prenatal provider/birth attendant.  I think to myself at the end of those conversations, “Why isn’t she able to get this information from her?  If  he doesn’t make her feel special, does not answer her questions, and doesn’t agree with her philosophy on childbirth and labor, why on earth is she allowing him to be her birth attendant?!”

 

When I pose this question to the women themselves, the answers unfortunately never include “Because I did my research and I found him to be the best match for me and my desired childbirth experience.”  Most of the answers I receive fall into the four categories below, none of which are good enough reasons alone to choose a prenatal care provider/birth attendant.”

 

The four categories that Nicole is referring to are:

 

1)     “She delivered my sister/girlfriend.”  

2)     “She is my gynecologist.” 

3)     “He is the best/most popular person in area.” 

4)     “Her office is so close and convenient to my office/house.”

 

I have to “second that” to every thing that Nicole writes about in her two posts.  I too am flabbergasted at how many women spend more time researching a new car, camera, computer, appliance, or handbag purchase than they do researching their care provider or birth options.  I am also floored by many of the women I take care of that seem to have NO IDEA how their doctor or midwife actually thinks, feel, and behaves in a labor & delivery setting.  One time, and I am not exaggerating, a woman I was assigned to care for looked up at me after a particularly upsetting encounter with her attending obstetrician (he was very rough with her vaginal exam, was down right pissed off that she refused an amniotomy and an epidural, and stormed out of the room) and said, “Wow, I didn’t realize he was so pushy!  He was really rude!  I don’t know if I want him to deliver my baby!”  I was thinking to myself, “HOW in God’s name are you just figuring out now that he is an asshole?!”  (Excuse my language but this particular doctor is a high intervention, low patience physician with the stats to prove it, on top of the fact that he treats nurses like his personal empty-headed gophers…ARG!)  Turns out the only research she did to find this doctor was that her cousin went to him and was happy with his services since he agreed to induce her early because she was “sick of being pregnant” (her words, not mine).

 

Of course there is also the lying phenomenon as well and this is one area where I feel the most sympathy for my patients.  That’s right ladies…people LIE and I hope that I am not the first person to tell you that doctors and midwives are people too!!  That’s why, as Nicole writes, interviewing potential birth attendants and ASKING FOR THEIR STATISTICS is so important.  Someone I know ended up switching her birth attendant at 36 weeks along because it had turned out that he flat out lied about his experience and philosophy regarding VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean).  For example, if you have a question about a particular intervention, say episiotomy rate, and the birth attendant you are interviewing either skirts the question or says something vague like, “I only do them when I deem necessary,” I encourage you to ask him for his STATS.  You might be surprised at how often he “deems it necessary.”  It is also important to note that you cannot make sweeping generalizations about a care provider just by their credentials, that is, not all midwives follow a midwifery model of care and not all obstetricians follow a medical model of care (although by the very nature of their education many of them do).  So it is still important to research your birth attendant even if you are planning on choosing a midwife!

 

Also, I wonder if many women do not research their care providers/birth attendants because they come from generations of women who nodded their heads, smiled, and did exactly everything their doctor told them too regarding their reproductive health.  I mean, if a woman’s mother, aunts, and grandmothers didn’t question their doctors, what influence does she have to act any differently?  The good news however is that in today’s day in age, unlike our mothers and grandmothers, we have a most wonderful thing called THE INTERNET J.  So you have no excuse!

 

But really, I am preaching to the choir here aren’t I seeing as if you are reading this blog you obviously are seeking out more information J.  Rock on!  But to all the ladies out there who might be thinking about getting pregnant or are currently pregnant who haven’t yet started to do their research, I hope at some point someone tunes you in to all of the fantastic, helpful information that’s out there J!! In my dream world, no women ever feels the need to say “If I had only known…”

 

Great Birth Story April 25, 2009

Filed under: Nursing Notes — NursingBirth @ 10:34 AM
Tags: , , , , ,

One of the readers of my blog alerted me to her birth story that she wrote about on her blog Reality Rounds: Get a Second Opinion.

It is a hilarious, true-to-life, personal, and very honest account of her birth experience that she had with her first pregnancy.  She also talks about the skeptics she encountered at said “big city hospital” just because “she’s a nurse.”

She writes, “Moral of this story:  Nurses are not nurses when they are patients, they are human beings.  They are scared, and naive, and looking for you for help. Let’s not forget that when we are taking care of our fellow sisters.”

I couldn’t agree more and as an L&D nurse, I thank realityrounds for reminding me of that.

 

My Philosophy: Birth, Breastfeeding, and Advocacy

 

I am honored, humbled, and excited to report that just a few days ago my blog had over 1,500 hits in just one day.  I was floored when I saw the number and almost choked on my Cheerios J!  When I started this blog in February I was feeling lost, frustrated, burnt out, defeated, and disempowered regarding my role in the current maternity care system in America.  The day I wrote my very first post, NursingBirth is BORN!, was only one week after I almost up and quit my job after I had witnessed a very traumatic assault and battery against a woman I was caring for as her obstetrician performed a pudendal block against her will as she and her husband were screaming for him to stop. 

 

(Side Note: This is one situation that I still have not been able to bring myself to write about.  The fact is that assault & battery on patients in health care happen DOES happen and it was the first time I had ever witnessed such an event.  I cried for days, ran the story over and over and over again in my head, wondering what I could have done differently, wishing I had the courage to throw myself over her to physically prevent him from violating her, instead of just saying “Stop!”.  I am getting pretty choked up even thinking about it so for now, I will have to continue to process that event and hopefully one day, I will be able to write about it.)

 

My intention for this blog was simple…if I could reach one mother, just one, who might stumble upon my blog and be inspired to learn more about labor, childbirth, and birth options, to realize that she has options and rights regarding her experiences and her body, I would then feel triumphant.  I had convinced myself that for months or maybe even years the readers of my blog would probably only be my husband and sister-in-law J.  I conceded to using this blog as just catharsis and a way to process my experiences.  What I never imagined was that more than just a few people would ever read, never mind enjoy and keep reading, this blog!

 

So MANY THANKS are owed to all of my readers, who have turned out to not only be moms, but grandmothers, nurses, doctors, doulas, childbirth educators, midwives, and other people in the birth advocacy community.  THANK YOU, for reading!  Thank you to those who find themselves sharing many of my interests and beliefs!!  I love networking with all of you and learning more every day about how to better serve childbearing families.  And thank you to those of you who not only disagree with me but tell me about it too!!  You keep me thinking and on my toes.  Great things come out of great discussions and a discussion isn’t quite as interesting if everyone has the same opinion. 

 

THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!

 

With all of that being said I feel that it is time to share a bit more about my personal philosophy regarding birth, breastfeeding, and advocacy.  Of course my opinions do shine through in my writing (after all, it is my blog J) but with all of this “success” (haha, take that with a grain of salt please J) I have found that many people are beginning to label me with thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that I do not hold.  Contrary to what some readers have implied, my goal in writing this blog was not to push my own agenda or to bully women into believing everything I do.  (For example, one mom linked to a lighthearted post on my blog entitled Top Ten Things Women Say/Do During Labor on a popular baby website and wrote something to the effect of “Beware of the rest of her posts because she is pretty hippy-crunchy.”  Another person commented that my blog was something to avoid because I was a “crunchier than thou/more natural than thou natural birth Nazi.”)  Please note that I am NOT writing about these comments to start a flame war, nor did they hurt my feelings (I work in L&D after all, I have a pretty tough skin!  Haha!)

 

However, I did feel compelled to outline what my personal philosophy is so my intentions are clearer in future posts and since it is my blog that is exactly what I am going to do!  I feel that it is better for me to “fill in the holes” rather than have readers “guess” at where I am coming from.  That being said, I DO NOT expect everyone in the world to share the same philosophy.  The beliefs I have written below are meant to be provocative, that is, I am not trying to hide or sugar coat anything to make it have universal appeal.  Also, although I strongly believe in these statements, I can also understand the other side of the story.  For example, although I am a supporter and advocate of spontaneous, un-medicated labor and birth as well as VBACs, I do not condemn any woman for getting an epidural, taking pain medication, or scheduling a repeat cesarean.  I know there are some people out there that would, but I do not feel that way.  In reality more so than anything else, it’s not the epidural, pain medication, or repeat cesarean that bothers me; instead, it’s the women who request these things but have never even researched their safety or risks.  Like author Henci Goer, one of my goals in writing this blog is to never hear another women ever say, “But I didn’t know that was an option” or “I never would have agreed if I had known that could happen.”  You wouldn’t believe me if I told you how often I actually hear women speak these exact words because I hear it ALL THE TIME.  Also, I would like to point out that this is not a completely exhaustive list.  Regardless, here it is!!

 

(Note: Many of these statements are taken or adapted from the following resources)

v     Childbirth Connection’s Rights of Childbearing Women

v     BirthNetwork National’s Mission & Philosophy

v     Coalition for Improving Maternity Services’ Mother-Friendly Childbirth Initiative (MFCI)

 

My Personal and Professional Birth, Breastfeeding, and Advocacy Philosophy

 

Pregnancy, Birth, & Breastfeeding

1)     I believe that pregnancy and birth are normal, healthy processes and should not be treated as illness or disease.

2)     I believe women and babies have the inherent wisdom necessary for birth.

3)     I believe that pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period are milestone events in the continuum of life that profoundly affect women, babies, fathers, and families, and have important and long-lasting effects on society.

4)     I believe that breastfeeding provides the optimum nourishment for newborns and infants which does NOT mean that I am not grateful for the advancements in artificial milk for those mothers and infants who truly require it.

5)     I believe that every woman has the right to virtually uninterrupted contact with her newborn from the moment of birth, as long as she and her baby are healthy and do not need care that requires separation.

6)     I believe that for the majority of women, VBAC (or vaginal birth after cesarean) is a safe option that should be available to all women in all birth settings who safely qualify.

 

The Obstetric vs. Midwifery Model of Care

7)     I believe that uncomplicated, healthy pregnancies far outnumber pregnancies that have complications and hence, the technology and techniques utilized to maintain the safety of mother and baby in high risk pregnancies should not be automatically or routinely applied to low risk pregnancies.

8.)     I believe that the current maternity and newborn practices in the United States that contribute to high costs and inferior outcomes include the inappropriate application of technology and routine procedures that are not based on scientific evidence.

9)     I believe that although you cannot make blanket generalizations about the model of care that a birth attendant follows just by their credentials, typically speaking I believe OBGYNs tend to follow an obstetrics model of care while midwives tend to follow a midwifery model of care based on the very nature of their education.  After all, obstetricians are surgical specialists trained in the pathology of pregnancy and women’s reproductive organs.

10) I believe that per the very nature, philosophy, and experiences of medical education/obstetrical residency and midwifery education/apprenticeship, midwives should be the only health care providers attending normal, healthy, uncomplicated labors & births while obstetricians should be called to consult or transfer care to if and only if a problem or complication out of the scope of midwifery practice arises.

11) I believe that women need access to professional midwives whose educational and credentialing process provides them with expertise in out-of-hospital birth as well as hospital-based and clinical care that extends beyond the childbearing cycle.

12) I believe that midwives can obtain quality education and experience in a variety of ways and programs, including certified nurse midwifery and direct-entry midwifery. 

13) I believe that integrity of the mother-child relationship as well as the safety of our mothers and babies is compromised by the pervasive over-medicalized, obstetrics model of maternity care in this country.

 

Interventions & Natural Birth

14) I believe that research supports the reality that both a mother’s body as well as her baby will initiate the beginning of labor when the baby is ready to be born and that women should not have their labor induced for any elective reason unless the health of the woman or baby is found to be in immediate danger if the pregnancy is allowed to continue. 

15) I believe that empowering and safe births can and do take place in a variety of settings including birth centers, hospitals, and homes.

16) I believe that every woman should have the opportunity to give birth as she wishes in an environment in which she feels nurtured and secure and her emotional well-being, privacy, and personal preferences are respected, whether that be in a hospital, birthing center, or at home.

17) I believe the research supports that a minimal to no intervention, medication free, spontaneous vaginal delivery is the safest birthing option for the vast majority of both mothers and babies.

18) I believe that the obstetrical model of maternity care plus a pervasive American cultural phenomenon that teaches women to fear childbirth, doubt their innate ability and power to give birth, and be ashamed of their bodies and their sexuality is responsible for many women opting relinquish all control over their birth experiences to others and consent to unnecessary interventions that seem to provide a way to escape.

19) I believe that every woman has the right to create her own birth plan and that her birth attendants and labor companions have the responsibility to assist her in making it a reality as best and safely as they can.  I also understand that for some women, their birth plan does not include a medication or intervention free labor and childbirth and I support this as long as the women has been provided with informed consent, including all the risks and benefits of her requests.

 

Autonomy & Empowerment

20) I believe women are entitled to complete, accurate, and up-to-date information that is supported by evidenced based research on their full range of options, including all procedures, drugs, and tests suggested for use during for pregnancy, birth, post-partum and breastfeeding.

21) I believe that women have a right to make health care decisions for themselves and their babies and that this right includes informed consent as well as informed refusal.

22) I believe that interventions (i.e. many standard medical tests, procedures, technologies, and drugs including narcotic medications for pain relief in labor, epidurals, labor inductions, primary & repeat cesarean sections) should not be applied routinely during pregnancy, birth, or the postpartum period and in my opinion should be avoided in the absence of specific indications and true necessity for their use.

23) I believe that said interventions have life saving potential and are necessary in certain circumstances (which I am entirely grateful for) but are often abused and misused.

24) I believe that maternity care practice should not be based on the needs of the caregiver or provider, but solely on the needs of the mother and child.

25) I believe that every woman has the right to health care before, during and after pregnancy and childbirth.

26) I can admit that (probably related to my educational background, experiences, and values) I am not entirely comfortable with the “free-birth” or “unassisted childbirth” movement but I can also admit that I know little to nothing about the movement and I am open-minded to learning more.

27) I believe that every woman has the right to receive continuous social, emotional and physical support during labor and birth from a caregiver who has been trained in labor support and I believe that the current obstetrical education in this country does not train physicians to provide labor support.

28) I believe that every women has the right to have how ever many supportive labor companions and birth attendants of her choice (as she deems necessary) attend her labor and birth, has the right to change her mind at any time, and has the right to decline the care or presence of any unnecessary personnel during her labor and birth.

 

In closing, I am NOT anti-obstetrician, anti-hospital, anti-intervention, anti-induction, anti-epidural, anti-pain medication, or anti-cesarean.  Quite the contrary I am PRO the appropriate use of such interventions when they are necessary to support the health and safety of the mother-baby unit and facilitate a safe and empowering (hopefully vaginal) birth.  I have found my passion in assisting women and families during the intrapartum period and my number one goal in my job is to support, facilitate, and encourage a natural-as-possible, empowering, and safe birth experience, however that may be, for all those involved.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

The “All That Matters” Phenomenon: Grieving the Loss of a Vaginal Birth April 24, 2009

The other day I had the privilege of taking care of a couple who was in labor with their first baby.  Denise, a G1P0 at 41 weeks and 3 days, broke her water at 1:00am with contraction starting about 8-10 minutes apart at 4:30am.  She and her boyfriend, Ralph, labored at home until about 8:00am when the contractions were coming about every 3-5 minutes apart.  When she arrived to the hospital at 8:30am, a resident’s vaginal exam revealed that she was 3cm/50%effaced/-3 station!!  Since she was a young healthy woman (her health history only comprised of PCOS, or polycystic ovarian syndrome) and had had an uncomplicated, normal, healthy pregnancy, she was “allowed” to ambulate in the halls all morning but required to stay on continuous telemetry monitoring and not allowed to labor in the tub per her physician’s direct order. 

 

(Side Note:  This particular physician, Dr. O, is an older physician who is part of a group that is well known for aggressive labor management.  They induce almost all of their patients for one reason or another, often once they hit 39 weeks, and if a patient is not already ruptured once they get to the hospital, they will artificially break their patients’ water regardless of dilatation.  That’s right, I have personally refused to give them an amniohook when a patient is only 1 or 2 centimeters and they sneak in the room without me and break her water anyway!  One time, Dr. U (another doctor in that group) ruptured a patient who was still in triage!  They are notorious for setting up “post dates” inductions at 40 weeks and 1 day and although they advertise that they attend VBACs, their statistics show something quite different: Almost NO “successful” VBAC vaginal deliveries and a cesarean rate that is at least 40%.  Myself and many other nurses have bombarded them with research and position statements from a variety of sources, including their OWN association (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, or ACOG)) that states intermittent auscultation is the standard of care for low risk, uncomplicated pregnancies, but they refuse to listen.  So Denise’s situation is unfortunately not uncommon.  To be honest, I am surprised they “let” her get past 41 weeks!  I think they view it as a slap in the face to attend any delivery after 40 weeks!)  

 

When I came on at 3:00pm, Denise was in the middle of getting an epidural.  Turns out that at 12:30pm, Dr. O’s vaginal exam revealed that the patient was “only” (his words) 4cm/80%/-3 so he ordered pitocin augmentation and the pit was started at 1:00pm.  Although the patient had originally told the nurse it was her plan to labor without an epidural, pitocin lead to stronger, longer, and closer contractions which lead to the patient requesting one.  And an epidural was granted.  For the next 3 hours I was instructed to continue to turn up the pitocin to obtain 5 contractions in 10 minutes.  I titrated appropriately until I obtained moderate to strong contractions (per my palpation) every 2-3 minutes, where the baby was still looking good on the monitor.  I changed the patient’s position every 30 minutes: right side, sitting up high, left side, sitting up high, etc. in hopes that I would help the baby makes his way down the birth canal and not get “stuck” in any acynclitic position. (According to the patient, she was complaining of severe back pain the last few hours so I was concerned about an occiput posterior baby.  So since Denise could no longer move herself to help move the baby, I was doing the moving for her!) 

 

At 7:00pm Denise was feeling a lot of rectal pressure, so much that she was breathing through it (even though the epidural was still effective at taking away her back and abdominal pain).  We all were very excited!!  Since Denise was only feeling rectal pressure during contractions I told her it would be best to wait until she was feeling rectal pressure at all times, with our without a contraction, before we called the doctor.  Well Dr. O must have had ESP because he came into the room to perform a vaginal exam.  His exam revealed that Denise was 4cm/100%/ -1 station!  The patient was a bit disappointed that she was still only “4cm” but I assured her that he was completely thinned out and that she had brought the baby down a whole bunch!  However, Dr. O had a different take on it, “You are still only 4cm, he said, “And if you don’t make any significant progress within the next hour we will have to talk about a change in the plan.”  (Could he have BEEN any more vague?!)  And then he turned around and walked out.  “What does he mean by change of plan?” Denise asked me.  “Well I’m not sure,” I said back, “let me go find out.” 

 

The fact of the matter is that I knew exactly what Dr. O meant….he meant that he was going to do a c-section.  But I didn’t want to tell her that for two reasons, 1) it is NOT my responsibility to tell a patient that someone else is going to perform a cesarean section on them, it’s the SURGEON’S responsibility, and 2) I hate even talking about the possibility of a cesarean section when someone is in the middle of labor because it is like you are telling the patient you are already “giving up” on them.  Of course I understand that some cesareans are necessary, but I know that if I was in her position and someone gave me a “cesarean ultimatum” during labor, I would feel like people were giving up on me!  I mean here she is, basically being given a one hour ultimatum, and because of the limitations of the epidural it is not even like she can “do” something to play an active role:  she can’t walk around or get in the tub, we’ve already got her hooked up to pitocin and an epidural, we’ve already tried the position changes, her water is already broken, and I am pretty sure she doesn’t know magic.  So here I am feeling like my hands are tied, but trying to stay positive and encouraging so that the patient does not feel upset, passive, defeated, or worried.  Because those emotions do NOT facilitate labor, and in fact, those emotions can actually release hormones in your body that directly work AGAINST labor. 

 

So I walked out to the desk to find Dr. O but he had already left.  (I don’t think he went very far, maybe into another patient’s room, but nonetheless, he was no where to be found.)  I felt an obligation to tell Denise something so I went back into to the room and said this:

 

Me: “Denise, I think Dr. O is with another patient right now but once I find him, if you would like, I can ask him to come back in to answer any questions you might have.”

 

Denise:  “Yeah, I would like him to come back in because I don’t want a c-section.”  (starting to get a bit teary eyed)  “I mean, is that what he meant by change of plan?  Can they give me any other medicine to help with my contractions?”

 

Me:  “Well I don’t know what he meant exactly but he could have meant he would like to try an IUPC which stands for intrauterine pressure catheter.  It is a thin tube that lies beside the baby’s face and actually measures in millimeters of mercury how strong your contractions are.  If I have an IUPC, I might be able to go up on the pitocin if the contractions aren’t “strong enough.”  Right now the external monitor only tells me when they are coming and when I feel your belly it is all subjective.  Unfortunately there isn’t any other medicine we can give you to help “speed up” labor besides pitocin.  He could also have meant a cesarean.  But we won’t know until we talk to him.”

 

Denise: (almost in a scared tone)  “But I don’t want a c-section!  I want to push my baby out!  Oh I don’t want a c-section!” 

 

Me:  (feeling like I wish I could help but don’t know how)  “Well let’s talk about what you can do.  If Dr. O comes in to check you, you have the right to refuse his vaginal exam and request more time.  You also have the right to ask him about all of your options, if there are any, besides a cesarean.  You have the right to ask him his reasons for why he thinks a cesarean is necessary.  You have the right to hear all that information and then take as much time as you need to decide what you would like to do.  If you need some alone time with Ralph or if you need to call your mom or any other family members you have that right.  I just want you to know that if you and Dr. O decide together that a cesarean is the best option, it will NOT be an emergency and therefore you can take as much time as you need to prepare.  The baby is not in distress and in fact, has looked beautiful on the monitor all day.   If you both decide that a cesarean is the right course of action, I promise I will go over everything to expect with you, I will make sure anesthesia sees you before you get to the OR so you can ask them any questions, and barring any other emergency, I will be with you the entire time, from the moment I wheel you in to the OR, to the moment I wheel you out of the recovery room.  I’ll help you breastfeed as soon as possible.  I will stay with you the whole time…”

 

At this point I was starting to get a bit emotional and realized I was rambling so I excused myself and went out to the desk.  I just knew in my heart what was going to happen and I was deeply saddened by it.  And don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to be overly dramatic but I just knew that when she broke her water at 1:00am and came to the hospital at 3cm, she was not expecting to end up with a cesarean. 

 

Well exactly one hour later Dr. O came back into the room to do a vaginal exam.  I turned towards Denise and I said, “Is that okay with you, Denise?” and she said “Yes.  According to Dr. O, Denise was still the same and had made no “progress.”  Dr. O, while standing at the foot of the bed, looked up at Denise and said “Well Denise, we’ve run out of options here.  If we continue to keep you on pitocin eventually the baby is going to run out of gas and crash.  Uteruses can only take so much and your uterus is going to get thinner and thinner and will be at risk of rupturing if we continue like this.  You have essentially been 4cm for 7 hours and for a primip, you need to progress at least one centimeter an hour.  We need to do a cesarean and as soon as I tell the charge nurse we’ll get going on it.”

 

At this point Denise burst into tears, “OH GOD, BUT I DON’T WANT TO HAVE A C-SECTION!  I WANTED TO PUSH HIM OUT!  I WANTED TO PUSH HIM OUT!   I REALLY THOUGHT I COULD DO IT!  I WANTED TO DO IT!  I WANTED TO PUSH MY BABY OUT!”  Ralph gave her a big hug and I kept squeezing her hand trying to bit my lip so that I didn’t start to cry myself.  She was sobbing.  And then Dr. O said “Listen, Denise, there is no reason to get like this.  I mean, when you came to the hospital this morning I also had 4 other patients that came in around the same time.  Everyone else has already delivered…you’re the only one left.  And some women even came in with cervixes more closed than yours.  You see, the baby just isn’t coming down enough in the birth canal to dilate your cervix, and it’s just a failure to progress.  It’s just failure to progress that’s all.”  Then he turned to me and said “As soon as I tell the charge nurse we’re going to go.  So then I said, “Well I am not at all ready to go yet.  And I think she deserves a minute to come to terms with all of this, Dr. O.  She deserves some time to make her decision and call her family.  And then Dr. O looked straight at me, baffled, said “Whatever” and then stormed out slamming he door behind him. 

 

I threw myself onto Denise and have her the biggest hug I could.  I whispered over and over in her ear, “You are NOT a failure Denise, I know you wanted to push him out.  I know you did.  You have done so much work today and you never gave up.  You are a strong woman, Denise, you did not fail and your body did not fail.  NOBODY is a failure here.  It’s okay to cry.  It’s okay to cry, Denise.  Please know you did so much for your baby and you never gave up.  You are a strong woman…”

 

I stayed there for about 10 minutes with her and Ralph, letting her cry.  When she calmed down a bit I encouraged her to take her time to talk with Ralph and call her mother or family if she needed too.  I told her that I needed to get some things ready and that I was going to give them some privacy.

 

So by this point I was pretty upset.  For one, I think the way Dr. O went about the whole thing was so cold and insensitive.  Um hello, do you think telling a patient that “everyone else” has already delivered is going to make them feel better!?  Because in my opinion, it just stresses the insane notion that her body is in someway a “failure.”    I could mull over and over and over again in my head everything that surrounded this whole situation and I have almost made myself sick over wondering if this was really a necessary cesarean for “true” arrest of descent/dilatation.  But regardless, I feel like he completely took Denise and Ralph out of the whole process and it should have been handled better.  Second, Dr. O did NOT go over the risks and benefits of the cesarean with them, claiming later that the residents “review that” on admission (which, by the way, they don’t…they just have everyone sign a consent for “vaginal delivery possible cesarean section”).  Third, Dr. O did not at all go over other options besides cesarean, and even if he thought the safest course of action was a cesarean at that point in time (which I am not disputing), he didn’t even say anything like “and our other options, X, Y, & Z, are not the best course to take because of A, B, C, so it is in my professional opinion that the safest course of action is to perform a cesarean section.  But please take your time to talk it over.”).  I have seen other doctors do this before.  Even in situation where everyone agrees that a cesarean is absolutely necessary, it is still the patients right to make the final decision.  And finally, he didn’t even give them a chance to talk it through and when I asked for “some time” he got pissed. 

 

So I walked out to the desk to get my paperwork ready and Dr. O was writing a note in her chart:

 

Dr. O:  (sarcastically and not even looking up from what he was writing)  “So when do you think you’ll be ready to go?”

 

Me:  (frustrated)  “It’s not about me being ready, it’s about Denise and Ralph being ready!  I think it is more than just a courtesy to allow them some time to come to terms with this new development.  They have a RIGHT to some time, Dr. O.  This isn’t an emergency.  The baby has looked great on the monitor all day and I shut the pitocin off.”

 

Dr. O:  (frustrated)  “I don’t know why you are fighting me on this!” 

 

Me:  (increasingly frustrated) “I’m not fighting you on ANYTHING Dr. O, but you have to understand, she is devastated that she is going to have a cesarean.  We owe it to her to let her calm down and not wheel her down the hall as a sobbing mess!  Her whole family lives in a different state, including her mother, and I think that it isn’t too much for her to ask for some time to call her family before she goes in for MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY!” 

 

And then he said it….he said that phrase that breaks my heart every time I hear it…

 

Dr. O: “She’ll forget all about it when she is holding a baby in her arms.”

 

This phrase comes in many forms but every one says the same thing, “All that matters is that you get a baby out of this deal… and your experience, your experience doesn’t matter.”

 

Kristen, a doula, graduate student, mom, and author of the blog Birthing Beautiful Ideas wrote an amazingly insightful and moving must read post entitled, “Scars That Run Deep: ‘All That Matters’ After A Cesarean” that explores this very topic. 

 

Kristen writes:

 

“You have a healthy baby.  That’s what matters.”

 

Mothers who express sadness, anger, or disappointment after undergoing a cesarean section often hear these words uttered by (presumably) well-meaning family, friends, and health care workers.  In fact, these words seem to be one of the most common responses that people give upon hearing that a mother has had a cesarean.  I presume this is because it can be jarring to witness the juxtaposition of the joy and wonder of a newborn life and the mother’s grief over her baby’s entrance into the world.  And so, particularly in a culture that does not have a well-developed ritual for expressing and experiencing grief, people try to fill up the mother’s “empty grief jar” with an elixir of “healthy baby joy.”  But, as we all know, grief and joy don’t work like that.

 

Kristen goes on to write about why having a healthy baby isn’t “all that matters” after a cesarean, the concept of mourning the loss of a vaginal birth, and why a mother’s birth experience IS part of “what matters” regarding the entire childbirth experience.  Kristen also outlines step by step details about what a mother experiences when she undergoes a cesarean, from the minute the wheel her into the operating room to the first time she gets to hold her baby to caring for a newborn after major surgery.  Kristen writes,

 

In addition, the de-valuing of the mother’s birth experience–a de-valuing implied by the “healthy baby line”–undermines the significance of one of the most transformative days of a mother’s life.  For on the same day that her baby is born, she is “born” as a mother.  And if this dual-birth is marked by passivity and separation, then it is no wonder that the mother grieves her birth experience.  That having her healthy, miraculous, wonderful baby is not all that matters to her.

 

In fact, her sadness is partially a result of being separated from her healthy, miraculous, wonderful baby during the first few moments and even hours of that baby’s life.  And it can be the result of a feeling that her body is “broken,” “unable” to bring her child into the world on its own.  And it can be the result of a feeling that her body might not even “know” how to work properly to bring a child into the world.  And it can be the result of feeling as if she has disappointed not only herself but also her partner and/or other friends and family.  And it can be the result of the sheer difficulty of recovering from major abdominal surgery and simultaneously caring for a newborn baby, two of the most physically and emotionally demanding experiences that any person will ever undergo.

 

In other words, her sadness and her grief are understandable.  They are normal.

 

Please check out Kristen’s post in it’s entirety on her blog.  The excerpts I have provided here are only a small piece of this very eye opening composition.

 

In the end Denise gave birth to her 9lb 8oz baby boy, Rayne Nicolais, by cesarean section at 9:01pm.  Baby Rayne was found to be in an occiput posterior position and still very high in the pelvis when he was born.  I had the opportunity to stay with Denise, Ralph, and Baby Rayne for the entire experience and with the help of a ton of pillows, Denise breastfeed Rayne skin to skin in a football hold for an entire hour and 15 minutes in the recovery room.  And boy was he a vigorous breast feeder!! 

 

Although all in all, there was a positive outcome to Denise’s birth experience, I do wish that for Denise and Ralph, things could have turned out differently.  I wish that Denise could have PUSHED her baby out like she so desired and worked so hard for.  And of course I am grateful that at the end of the day Baby Rayne was a happy, healthy, chubby, bouncing baby boy.  In the recovery room where Denise really held her baby boy for the first time, she welled up, looked at her boyfriend and said, “I think I am falling in love all over again!”  It was so beautiful!  As a nurse, experiences like this solidify what I feel in my whole being is true about pregnancy and childbirth; That the journey is as important as the destination. 

 

In closing I would like to leave you with one of my favorite quotes…

 

“It’s not just the making of babies, but the making of mothers that midwives see as the miracle of birth.” ~ Barbara Katz Rothman.

 

Birth Resources EVERY Woman Should Know About April 23, 2009

I was at my local ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) meeting yesterday and the theme for the night was “Birth Stories.”  Although I have never had a cesarean section, attending the local ICAN meetings is, for me, a way to get together and work with other people in the birth advocacy community and meet pregnant moms who are seeking out more information regarding their birth choices.  Anyways, throughout the meeting last night I found myself often referring to different books that I have read that I feel are great resources for pregnant moms.  Everyone else seemed to jump on the bandwagon and by the end of the night, I think all the gestating members of the group had heads that were spinning with tons of different information!

 

This meeting inspired me to put together a list of books, websites, and movies that I have personally read or watched that I feel are “must see/must reads” for any woman who is trying to get pregnant, currently pregnant or newly postpartum.  Whether you are planning a homebirth birth with a direct entry midwife or wishing you could have your OBGYN call in your epidural before even getting to the hospital, these resources are something to seriously consider.

 

It is important to note that this is an abbreviated list.  I have so many amazing books on pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding that it’s kind of ridiculous.  But I made sure to keep this list brief for a reason; I don’t want to scare anyone away!  I don’t want anyone to think “Oh jeeze, there are just too many things on this list.  I am too overwhelmed to read any of them!”  That being said, if there is any book, movie, website, etc that you found or are finding to be very helpful with your past or current pregnancies, I’d love to hear about it!!!

 

MUST READ BOOKS:

 

*Best Childbirth Preparation Book*

Birthing from Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation by Pam England & Rob Horowitz

 

*Best “How To” Guide to Helping a Woman Through Childbirth*

The Birth Partner, Third Edition: A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Doulas, and All Other Labor Companions  by Penny Simkin

 

*Most Inspiring/Positive/Empowering “What To Expect” Book*

            Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth  by Ina May Gaskin

 

*Best Practical Guide to Breastfeeding*

            So That’s What They’re for: Breastfeeding Basics by Janet Tamaro

 

*Best “Research that Doesn’t Read Like Research” Book*

            The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer

 

 

 MUST WATCH MOVIES:

 

* Best Hard Look at the Current State of Maternity Care in America

The Business of Being Born (2007)  Directed by Abby Epstein, Produced by Ricki Lake

 

*Most Personal Documentary About Being Pregnant In America

Pregnant in America: A Nation’s Miscarriage (2008)  Directed by Steve Buonagurio

 

 

MUST SEE WEBSITES:

 

* ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network)

– ICAN’s mission is to prevent unnecessary cesareans through education, to provide support for cesarean recovery, and to promote VBAC.

 

* Coalition for Improving Maternity Services (CIMS)

– CIMS is a coalition of individuals and national organizations with concern for the care and well-being of mothers, babies, and families. Their mission is to promote a wellness model of maternity care that will improve birth outcomes and substantially reduce costs.

– CIMS is the founder of the The Mother-Friendly Childbirth Initiative  and The Birth Survey

 

* Citizens for Midwifery

– Citizens for Midwifery (CfM) is a non-profit, volunteer, grassroots organization. Founded by several mothers in 1996, it is the only national consumer-based group promoting the Midwives Model of Care.

– CfM can help you learn about the Midwives Model of Care, find a midwife in your area, and connect with resources about birth and midwifery

 

* La Leche League International (LLLI)

– La Leche League International strives to help mothers worldwide to breastfeed through mother-to-mother support, encouragement, information, and education, and to promote a better understanding of breastfeeding as an important element in the healthy development of the baby and mother.

 

* BirthNetwork National (BNN)

– BNN is is leading a grassroots movement based on the belief that birth can profoundly affect our physical, mental and spiritual well-being.

– BNN has local chapters and holds monthly meetings all around the country!

– BNN believes that:

· Birth is a normal, healthy process, not an illness or disease.

· Empowering births can take place in birth centers, hospitals and homes.

· Women are entitled to complete and accurate information on their full range of options for pregnancy, birth, post-partum and breastfeeding.

· Women have a right to make health care decisions for themselves and their babies. That right includes Informed Consent as well as Informed Refusal.

           

 

So now it’s your turn!  What books or other resources did you find helpful when preparing for pregnancy, labor, birth, and postpartum?  We all want to know J!

 

Don’t Let This Happen To You #24 PART 2 of 2: Jessica & Jason’s Back Door Induction April 21, 2009

Continuation of the “Injustice in Maternity Care” Series

 

Please see, Don’t Let This Happen To You #24 PART 1

 

My first hour with Jessica & Jason was spent getting to know them, tidying up the room, setting it up the way I like it (I know, sometimes I can be a bit anal about clutter!  I don’t know how some nurses can work in so much clutter!!), and turning up the pitocin a couple of times.  Around 4:00pm I had left the room to scrounge around for a few more pillows for Jessica.  This took me about 10 minutes since pillows are pretty much like gold in the hospital: rare to find and very precious to have!!  Haha!  Anyways, as I walked into the room Dr. T was leaning over the trash can throwing something away and Jessica was lying flat on her back in bed, spread eagle, completely uncovered, and sitting in a big puddle.  It took me a few seconds to piece together what had happened.  Turns out Dr. T was throwing away the amniohook he used to BREAK Jessica’s water WITHOUT me being in the room!  I quickly stepped towards the bed to raise her head and cover her up.  The entire bed was soaked.  It was getting harder and harder for me to contain myself and I could feel the blood boiling up into my head. 

 

Me:  “What’s going on?”  (said in the nicest voice I could muster up)

 

Dr. T:  “Oh, are you taking care of Jessica today?”

 

Me:  “Yes.”

 

Dr. T:  “Well, I just got out of the OR and I wanted to check her progress and apparently the residents hadn’t ruptured her yet!  So I just did.”

 

Me: “Oh, well, what nurse came in here with you?  I’d like to thank her.”  (also said in the nicest voice I could muster up but clearly my sarcasm was piercing through all my attempts to stay calm)

 

Dr. T:  “No, it was just me.”

 

Me:  “Oh really, well you should have come and got me.  I would have been more than happy to assist you.  It would have liked to lay some more chux pads down under her so that when you broke her water it wouldn’t cause so much of a flood.  I’m going to have to change all the sheets now, all of them.  And what if the baby had a decel…”

 

Dr. T:  (interrupting me)  “Well I couldn’t find you.”  (turns towards Jessica)  “I’ll come back in a couple of hours to check you.”  (turns to walk out of the room and then spins around and turns towards me)  “Why is her pit only at 8mu?”

 

Me:  “Jessica didn’t even get to the hospital until 1:30 and policy states we can’t start pitocin until the patient is fully admitted.”

 

Dr. T: “Well she’s still only 4cm so you are going to have to keep going up on the pit if she is going to get anywhere.”  (This statement really takes the patient right out of the equation doesn’t it!  Outrageous!)

 

Me:  “What’s the baby’s station?  Is the baby still high?”

 

Dr. T: “Um yes, but the head is now well applied.  She’s 4cm/50%/ -3…..maybe -2.”

 

At this point all I can think of is “Liar, liar, liar!”  Dr. T turned to leave the room and after he left I assisted Jessica out of bed to the bathroom so that I could change all of her sheets and help her into a new dry gown. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I need to digress for a moment to explain exactly how outrageous it was for Dr. T to check the patient and rupture her membranes without me or any other nurse in the room.

 

#1 Although this might seem like a silly thing to be upset about, the fact that he ruptured her membranes without even putting down a few extra chux pads (which were sitting right on the counter) is very rude in my opinion.  It’s like saying “You clean up my mess because I am above that.”  Honestly it wasn’t that difficult to change the bed over and help the patient into a new gown but it’s the principle of it that bugs me.

 

#2  It is an unwritten rule at my hospital that a nurse is to accompany any doctor or midwife during a vaginal exam.  Even the residents are taught this during orientation.  Is a doctor or midwife fully capable of performing a vaginal exam solo…of course they are!  But it isn’t about that.  It’s mostly about touching base with the nurse first to see how things have been going all shift with the patient.  It’s about good communication and team work.  And sometimes another vaginal exam isn’t necessary and the nurse can advocate against it!!!  I haven’t met one doctor or midwife that attends births at my hospital that has a problem with this arrangement….unless they are trying to do something that they know the nurse will question them on….like performing an early amniotomy on a patient whose baby is still high!!  The fact is that that is the ONLY reason Dr. T didn’t come and get me…because he knew that I, and many other nurses, would question the necessity and safety of such an intervention.  So he had to SNEAK it.  What he did was so SNEAKY and it infuriated me! 

 

#3  The other most important reason to obtain the assistance of the patient’s nurse (or ANY nurse at the desk really) is just in case something bad was to happen.  Although something acutely bad is unlikely to happen from just a vaginal exam, the nurse’s role in assisting with the vaginal exam is to maintain the patient’s comfort and protect the patient’s modesty.  (As you can see, Dr. T did none of those things, and things like that happen a lot with some of the docs I work with.  All of the pregnant readers I know understand how uncomfortable it is to lay flat on your back for any length of time when you are pregnant!)  But there ARE acute risks with performing an amniotomy, especially an early or prelabor amniotomy. 

 

Risks related to amniotomy that have emergent consequences include:

1)     Umbilical cord prolapse

2)     Fetal heart rate decelerations related to umbilical cord compression

3)     Change in presenting part

 

Let me give you an example.  One time I had a doctor that ruptured a patient with polyhydramnios and a high presenting part.  (That means, the baby’s head was not well engaged into the pelvis and was still “floating”.)  After the gush of water flooded the bed, the baby started to have pretty serious heart rate decelerations with every contraction related to compression of the umbilical cord.  When the doctor did a vaginal exam to check her dilation, he found that he was no longer feeling a head, but a HAND.  Since the baby was high and floating in a large amount of fluid and the head was not well engaged when he ruptured her membranes, the first thing to rush out was the baby’s hand.  The doctor was unsuccessful at moving the hand back.  And that woman, a grandmultip (G6P5) who had had FIVE previous spontaneous normal vaginal deliveries ended up with an emergency cesarean section.  And it was VERY IMPORTANT that I was in the room when all of this happened since I was the one who ended up almost single handedly assisting her into knee chest, throwing on some oxygen, and wheeling her down to the OR as the doctor rushed to scrub in.  Yes, emergencies can happen that fast.  (This one however was almost completely avoidable!!)  Please know that I am not telling this story to scare anyone.  But the LESS interventions you have, the significantly LESS chance you have of that kind of emergency happening.  And if a physician or midwife is going to take the chance with any intervention like amniotomy, it is very important that he or she has assistance from a nurse in the room. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Okay, thanks for letting me rant there for a minute.  Back to the story…

 

So after I helped Jessica clean up I offered to help her out of bed into any position she liked.  After all, it’s important to use gravity to help you and not work against you!  Jessica decided that she wanted to get up into a rocking chair.  I continued to titrate the pitocin to obtain an “adequate” contraction pattern.  Jessica’s body was actually pretty resistant to the pitocin so I ended up eventually getting all the way up to “max pit,” or 20mu/min, around 6:00pm.  Jessica was contracting about every 2 ½ -3 minutes each lasting for about 40-60 seconds.  Jessica complained most about her back pain and so we tried a variety of positions to ease this for her including using the rocking chair, standing at bedside, birthing ball, back rubs, slow dancing etc.  Jason was an excellent birth coach and the two of them really worked well together.  Jessica did not feel comfortable walking in the halls (some women prefer a bit more privacy and I can’t really blame them!) so she did a lot of pacing in the room.  Around 6:45pm, Jessica was getting really tired and asked if she could get back in bed.  We tried a few positions in bed (side lying, kneeling, etc.) but the back pain was too intense. 

 

I wished at that moment we could have gotten her into the Jacuzzi but despite what some other people might tell you, trying to continuously monitor a patient in the Jacuzzi is almost impossible, especially since there are no monitors in the tub room at my hospital so I cannot see or hear what the baby’s heart rate is doing when I am in there manually holding the monitor to her belly so the bubbles don’t knock it off.  This is yet another reason why back door inductions frustrate me.  If she was in true labor and not on pitocin, I could have done intermittent auscultation which is very compatible with using the Jacuzzi.  Some women think they can have it all (for example their induction and the Jacuzzi).  But fact of the matter is that agreeing to an unnecessary induction automatically makes a natural birth plan harder, NOT impossible, but harder. 

 

Turns out the only position that Jessica liked at that time was sitting straight up in bed, leaning forward on the squatting bar, with the foot of the bed lowered so the bed looked like a “chair.”  She was moving and breathing very well in this position with Jason and me as her coaches, and she seemed to start to drift off into “Laborland.”  At 7:00pm Dr. T came into the room and stated he was going to do a vaginal exam to check for progress.  Jessica had started to complain of some intermittent rectal pressure so I had assumed that the baby had moved down some.  Turns out she was 5cm/100% effaced/-1 station!!  “This is great!,” I said to Jessica, “You are doing such a great job!  Not only are you 5cm now but you have thinned all the way out AND you have moved the baby down a lot!!  You are doing so well!!” 

 

Both Jessica and Jason seemed excited about the progress which is great because I was afraid that Dr. T would say something annoying like “Oh bummer, you are only 5 cm.”  But the truth is that in order for your cervix to dilate you have to thin out first and therefore progress in effacement and station are also signs of great progress, not just dilation. “Do you want anything for pain?,” asked Dr. T.  “No, not yet, I want to try to go longer,” she replied.  Jessica spent the next two hours sitting straight up in bed, leaning over the squat bar, with the bed in the “chair” position.  Jason was standing beside her rubbing her lower back while I was helping her to stay focused on her breathing.  She had a couple mini “freak outs” like “I can’t do this anymore!,”  “This is it, I can’t take one more contraction!”  “How much longer is this going to be?!”  What is important to remember is that these “freak outs” are NORMAL and it doesn’t mean you are weak or a wimp.  Far from it!  Labor is one of the most intensely physical experiences of your entire life.  It is comprised of sensations that are unlike any others you have felt before.  And that is why positive encouragement is so important.  I know it is hard to see someone you love in pain but Jessica had said she did not want any pain medication or an epidural at this point so providing her with unconditional support was what was needed.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A quick story…

 

When I used to run cross country in high school we would often have “distance days” were our workout consisted of running a 13-18 mile long run.  We would start right after school and often not get back until it was dusk.  Those runs were grueling especially since we lived in a very hilly town.  I remember thinking or saying things like “I can’t do this anymore!” or “No, just go on without me!”  I remember feeling so many times during those runs like I wanted to “quit” and walk.  But I knew that if I did, it was just going to take me that much longer to get home.  And one of the things that kept me going the most was the support from my teammates.  “Just run until that phone pole” then “just run to that fire hydrant” then “just run to that stop sign.”  I got through it because I took it one small stretch at a time.  When I thought about how much farther I had to go, when I thought about the whole run as a whole, the task at hand seemed overwhelming and insurmountable.  But when I took it “one phone pole at a time” I felt like I could handle it.  There was no other way to get home but to run.  And it hurt.  And the cramps in my sides made it hard to breathe.  And sometimes I would have to lean over into the woods and throw up.  Every bone and muscle ached, from my ears to my toes.  I remember my knees stinging with each footstep.  But there was no other way to get home but to run….  And when I finally crossed onto the track at the high school to run the last stretch I felt like I could do anything.  I did it! 

 

I am not trying to claim that running a long run is exactly like labor.  For one I was only running for a few hours, not hours and hours and hours.  And I knew exactly how much I had left, unlike moms in labor.  And genital pain was not involved at all!  Haha!  But the point is that a great mix of positive encouragement from my teammates, self determination, and the technique of taking it one step at a time was the reason I succeeded.  If my teammates just left me in the dust every time I said “Just go on without me!  I have to walk” then I wouldn’t have been as successful and I wouldn’t have gotten as much out of the run.  So ladies, it’s NORMAL to “freak out” a bit, which is why surrounding yourself with positive, helpful, and supportive coaches (not just “specators”) is so important, ESPECIALLY in a hospital birth.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Jessica labored like this for about two more hours.  She was definitely in Laborland, kinda spacey, like she was in a trance.  At around 9:00pm Jessica said that she was feeling a lot more rectal pressure and wanted an epidural so I went out to the desk to page a resident.  Lucky me Dr. T happened to be sitting at the main desk chatting with another doctor.  I told him that Jessica would like to be checked to see how far along she was because she was considering an epidural.  He came into the room and low and behold, she was 6cm/100% effaced/ 0 station.  Woohoo!  Jessica stated she wanted the epidural so I proceeded to get things set up so that we would be ready when anesthesia came in.  I had already reviewed with her the risks and benefits of an epidural earlier on (when she was more comfortable), so now I just had to explain to her what to expect from the procedure. 

 

After setting up the room I walked out to the desk to see how long it would take anesthesia to see her.  Turns out that anesthesia was tied up in a cesarean section so Jessica would have to wait.  (Unfortunately, even in a hospital that has 24/7 anesthesia like mine, they are not always available for epidurals.  So if this is your only reason for deciding to have your baby at a high-risk hospital, I would make sure you review all of your options.  And if your only labor preparation is deciding you want an epidural, it is imperative that you prepare for the possibility of not getting one!)  When I was at the desk, I checked the orders to make sure Dr. T had written for the epidural.  And that’s when I found his progress note:

 

X/X/XXXX

2115

S: Complains of more pain, wants relief

O: Cervix 6 cm dilated, completely effaced, 0 station

     EFM shows Ctx every 3 min x 60, baseline 140, +accels, Æ decels, moderate variability

A: Active phase labor with unsatisfactory progress

P:  Anesthesia notified for epidural

     Recheck in one hour, if no significant progress, anticipate primary cesarean section for arrest of dilatation

                                                                                              Dr. T

 

 

 

I was floored.  I couldn’t believe he was basically already throwing in the towel for Jessica.  It was her first baby for goodness sakes!  Babies come in their own time!  I mean, she hadn’t even gotten the epidural yet and the pitocin has to be shut off for the epidural so by the time the “hour” was up, it would have been completely unfair to expect her to have made any “progress.”  And what does that mean anyways?  So I called him out on it:

 

Me:  “Dr. T.  You are already throwing in the towel for her!?  Why does the plan even mention a cesarean at this point?!”

 

Dr. T:  “You’re kidding right, she has only changed 2cm in the last 7 hours.”

 

Me:  “Well that’s not really true because I didn’t even get her contractions into an adequate pattern until about 6pm.  And it’s her first baby.”

 

Dr. T:  “Jeeze, you call that progress?!  I can’t be here all night you know…”

 

(YES he really did say that.  This is also the doctor that told me once to tell a multip who was 8cm and feeling pushy to “Not push” because he wanted to finish the ice cream he had just ordered with his wife and kids.  I mean, I’m all for him spending time with his kids but he was ON CALL and this was a third time mom who was feeling RECTAL PRESSURE and was 8 CM!  There is NO telling her “Don’t push!”  It’s called the fetal ejection reflex for goodness sake!  And guess what, not only did he missed the delivery, but he then chewed me and the resident out for it.  I’m not making this up…In fact I can’t make this stuff up!)

 

Me:  (getting pretty upset but trying not to scream at him)  “Are you kidding me!  She wasn’t even in labor when she got here!  If she was, you wouldn’t have started her on pitocin.  She wasn’t even in labor!  You didn’t have to be here at ALL but YOU were the one who sent her in for induction.”

 

Dr. T:  (smirking)  “Induction!  She was 4cm!”

 

Me:  “But she couldn’t feel any of her contractions!  And now you are just going to cut her without at least seeing if the epidural helps?!  This is her first baby!  This delivery has consequences for the rest of her life!”

 

I was afraid I was going to strangle him at this point so I just left the desk to go back into the room.  Anesthesia didn’t show up until 10:30pm and at 11:00 pm Penny, the night nurse, came in to take over.  I stayed until the epidural was finished and tucked her in.  The next day I got the full scoop on what happened from Penny and the patient’s chart.

 

Apparently Jessica got great relief from the epidural and slept like a rock for 2 hours.  Luckily the baby tolerated the epidural well and remained happy on the monitors. Dr. T must have fallen asleep in his call room or gotten distracted because he never came back to check her.  At 1:30am Jessica woke up feeling a lot more rectal pressure.  Penny called the resident to check her and her exam revealed she was fully dilated (HOORAY!!) but that the baby was still at a 0 station.  Since the resident was busy with other patients she agreed, per Penny’s request, to NOT call Dr. T and wake him up but rather to shut off the epidural, allowing it to wear off a bit, and use passive descent to help get the baby down more before they started pushing.  (Although Jessica was feeling more rectal pressure, a practice push revealed that she could not feel her bottom enough to push.  If she had started to push at that time, she would have just tired herself out).  Also, Penny knew that Dr. T was notorious for only “letting” patients push for about an hour (even if they can’t feel their bottom) and then if the baby isn’t out he performs a cesarean for “failure to descent.”  Phooey! 

 

One hour later at 2:30am Jessica was feeling an uncontrollable urge to push and a vaginal exam by the resident revealed that she was 10cm/100%/ +2 station!!  Yay!!  Penny said that she felt it was best not to make Jessica wait for Dr. T to rise and shine so she instructed Penny to push whenever she felt she needed too.  She said that Dr. T didn’t even make it into the room until about 10 min before Jessica pushed out her 8lb, 6oz baby boy at 3:05am after only approximately 30 minutes of pushing!!!!  The baby was also found to be in an occiput posterior position, which explains all that back pain Jessica was experiencing and perhaps the length of her labor as well.  Dr. T did cut an episiotomy but the baby delivered before he could get his hands on a vacuum J.  According to Penny, baby Christopher James nursed like a champ and stayed skin to skin with mom for almost a whole two hours! 

 

Fortunately for all those involved, Jessica and Jason’s story had a wonderful ending!  However, despite the fact that Jessica’s birth did not end in a cesarean section doesn’t mean that there were not many injustices in the way her care was managed by her birth attendant.  Stories like this always get me thinking…what if?  What if Jessica had been sent home from the office instead of sent in for a back door induction?  Would the baby have eventually turned around so that he was no longer occiput posterior?  Would her natural contractions been easier to handle and therefore would she still have opted for the epidural?  If she was not induced with pitocin and therefore not required to be on continuous monitoring, would the freedom to move around more in labor and the ability to use the Jacuzzi tub helped to alleviate her back pain if the baby stayed occiput posterior?  What if she had had a different nurse that encouraged her to get the epidural earlier on?  What if Dr. T had gotten his way and started to make the patient push before she had regained use of her legs and feeling in her bottom?  What if Dr. T had kept her membranes intact until much later in the labor?  What if Dr. T had checked her one hour after she was found to be 6cm and she hadn’t made “satisfactory progress”….would she have been given a cesarean for “failure to progress?” 

 

In summary, I would just like to say that unlike what many OBGYNs, nurses, friends, family members, moms, journalists, etc will tell you, the journey matters just as much as the outcome.  The fact is that women truly amaze me no matter how they give birth.  Whether it is a natural home birth or a scheduled cesarean section, the bottom line is that women have superpowers!  They can grow people inside of them after all!!  And my greatest wish is that all women will feel in control of the decisions regarding their birth and in the end feel empowered no matter the mode of delivery.  But as a society we have to be more conscious of how our overly medicalized maternity care system affects the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of our patients and families as well as their outcomes.